dwelling in nothingness

Ironically, the best way to describe nothingness might be to leave this page blank, but ask those who see it to dwell in its blankness. The pure white space of the page, were it blank, would be an excellent representation of nothingness. Staring at it would be dwelling in it.

This possibility is not altogether different from how zen meditation proceeds. In Zen, unlike many other forms of meditation, we sit in a long hall with our backs to each other, and each of us keeps our eyes open, staring at a bare white wall. Our eyes dwell in nothingness.

Meditations usually last 40 minutes or more. For 40 minutes or more we sit with our eyes dwelling in nothingness, staring at the bare white wall. But not even staring. We loosen the focus of our eyes and let the nothingness remain nothingness, and dwell there.

The reason we value that exercise, and the reason I describe it on this page, is that most of our lives are spent doing the opposite. For the vast majority of our waking lives we tend to fix our eyes on the objects in awareness and dwell in a world defined by them.

A world defined by objects is not a world of nothingness. It's a world of something-ness. All the somethings in that world become the reality of that world. There's nothing wrong with noticing the somethings. Somethings are beautiful. Unless they take over.

When we live in a world dominated by something-based awareness, we give all the somethings an enormous amount of allegiance. We believe in them deeply. We shape our lives in response to them, often in reaction to them. We lose the nothingness part.

That's one reason zen meditation emphasizes nothingness, and asks us to dwell there. It works as a corrective measure against fixation on the objects of awareness. It offers the opportunity to return our attention, over and over, to the space between objects.

Over time we learn to extend our ability to dwell in that space. Objects come and go. Some of them distract us from the nothingness for long periods. Others for short periods. But overall the distracting nature of the object side of awareness diminishes.

We might wonder why this outcome is favorable. We are generally so accustomed to letting the object side of awareness have our attention that we operate from there in regard to the other options, and disparage them as pointless, escapist, or nihilistic.

That's how an awareness trained in objects might dismiss dwelling in nothingness instead. It might morph the word object into an objection. There's an interesting relationship between those words. Their similarity is a revelation about awareness.

Which mode of awareness are we operating in now? Are we objecting? Are we dwelling in an emphasis on the objects of awareness? Are objects such as thoughts and feelings snaring us enough to turn us into their owner? Yes, those are objects too.

The word object in this inquiry has a wider scope now. It refers not only to what you see and what comes in through all your other worldly senses, but also to every thought in your head, every feeling in your psychology, every notion, opinion, belief, objection.

We can let ourselves regard those things, and all things, as objects, and seriously ask ourselves how often we hand ourselves over to them as the essence of who we are, as opposed to being something else that isn't an object at all, as opposed to just being.

That's the big difference between the two modes of awareness. The awareness that puts its emphasis on objects is always becoming someone over them, such as a person, an identity, a solid sense of self. Dwelling in nothingness remains free of that.

It's the freedom side of dwelling in nothingness that gives it value. The reason we are drawn to it, even if habits of knocking it occasionally possess us, is that we yearn for the freedom that comes from dwelling in nothingness. Spiritually, we call it liberation.

Liberation from what? From all the inevitable heartache and unhappiness that arise when we persist in deriving identity among all the somethings in awareness. None of them will hold that tendency well. None will hold it very long. No something can.

The root something is the sense of self we call "I". We are constantly performing upkeep on that little letter if we associate it with each something, with any of the objects of awareness. If we let a thought or feeling or anything amount to "I", it eventually harms us.

Dwelling in nothingness becomes more compelling at that point. The intelligence of it becomes clearer with each disappointment in the world of emphasizing objects. None of them gives us what we want in terms of selfhood, and we let them go easier.

No one can force us to do that. No one wants to. An inquiry like this one is not a coercion, but rather an invitation to reflect on your experiences and hopefully take solace at being recognized for all the times you approach disappointment and feel disoriented by it.

The truth is we are not all the things that pass through awareness. We are the awareness itself, and we purify it greatly by dwelling in nothingness. The more consistently and often we dwell in nothingness regarding identity, the more freedom we move into.

Are we interested in freedom? The degree to which we are will determine to what degree our emphasis shifts from the world of object-based awareness to dwelling in nothingness. The shift occurs naturally. It is the unexpected reward for a sensitive life.

To encourage it, simply dwell in nothingness now, and whenever you can, especially in regard to all the objects, inner and outer, that claim temporary identification from you. Dwell in the nothingness instead. You can dwell there indefinitely. Try it. Try it again.

The more you do, the more freedom you will discover. Freedom is actually your nature. The nothingness is actually the real you, where the little letter "I" most belongs. When you direct it there repeatedly, you will find you never needed it much anyway, and don't.

Dwell in nothingness and ask yourself where that little letter really is. Is there really an "I" in the ways you used to imagine it? Conduct this inquiry for yourself. Where is the "I" you want so badly? Can you find any real evidence of it? Can you admit it's just a mental habit?

When we dwell in nothingness that deeply, we move into our first mature relationship with all the objects of awareness. Sensory experience, feelings, thoughts, all of these inner motions are more beautiful without investing self in them. They become jewels.

Everything we take to be ourselves is purely ornamental. We are not all those things, although we attempt to find ourselves in them with amazing determination. Their startling diversity is alluring, but you begin to enjoy it without becoming someone over any of it.

Now erase this page from your mind. Wipe it utterly clean. Sit before its blankness with your back to all the other readers in the room and loosen the sharp focus of your eyes and your mind. Let all objects go and be free in this life, dwelling in nothingness.