i don't mind

Let's take a closer look at those three little words. The ones in the title. I don't mind. If you do mind, and you say that you don't, you're lying. That's no good to anyone. You may think you're doing someone a favor, you may want to believe what you're saying, but if what you're saying isn't true, you're creating more harm than peace.

We might call that approach to those words Californian, not because there's anything wrong with California, but because a lot of great stuff is happening on that frontier and wherever great stuff happens, the artificial side of things shakes out too. I want you to remember, as you read the next paragraphs, that we're headed to the great stuff.

Using the words "I don't mind" to tell someone everything's okay, there's nothing to worry about, you're perfectly safe, go ahead and do what you're doing, is a terrific intention. We all wish to live in a world where we send and receive that message and mean it. We all can. But we never will if we say it as a mask.

When we say it as a mask, the phrase has a forced hippie quality about it. Can you imagine it that way? Try to say it that way out loud right now. "Hey, I don't mind." Pretend you're an actor for a moment to get the real feel of saying it as a lie. Imagine you do mind, but for reasons x and y and probably z too, you want to pretend you don't.

Did you try it? No? Why not? Try it. If you already did, try it again. Say it out loud at least once and preferably several times, modulating how you say it so you really find the place where you're lying and the words mean their opposite.

For instance, if you find my persistence about making you try it annoying in some way, pretend I just asked you if you mind about that. Do you mind? Now tell me you don't. Lie to me, baby! Out loud. At least once. Preferably a few times. Get the feel of it.

What is the feel of it? It feels lousy, right? Why is that? You would think what's most lousy about it is that someone gets hurt, someone else. But I'm all the way over here on the other side of this essay, which I wrote in the past. It doesn't matter one lick to me that you're lying about minding my requests while you read it. So what if you don't mind? So what if you do? What do I care if you mind or don't mind? I don't mind.

Now here's the big difference. Here's the great stuff. Here's what makes this essay spiritual in the deepest sense. When I said those words a few moments ago, when I told you I don't mind, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to myself. I was reminding myself of something that those words really mean. So are you. Whenever you say them.

They don't mean what you think. Nothing means what you think. That's what those words are trying to say. That's why they sneak into language in the first place. That's how spirit asserts itself surreptitiously in words, which otherwise betray it. For spirit, that process of unmasking words is a great deal of fun, and inevitable.

The real meaning of "I don't mind" is not that something has happened and now you need to state your acceptance of it with equanimity, but rather that you are not dwelling in mind. Do you mind? No, dwelling in mind is not something I do. I don't mind. I don't dwell there. My dwelling place is not the mind. I do not mind.

That's the only way not to mind. Everything else is a lie. If you dwell in your mind and you say you don't mind, you're lying. If, on the other hand, you practice those words as reminders that your mind is not where you dwell, if that's what you mean whenever you say those words, that you don't dwell in your mind, you begin to tell the truth. To be the truth. It's the only way.

The truth is you aren't your mind. The truth is you don't dwell there. The truth is if you're mind can come up with something, the something can't be you, not the real you. When we dwell in our minds, we believe that all the somethings, or at least a few cherished ones among them, are actually who we are. But they aren't. They can't be. Not one of them can. Not one. No, not that one either.

When we permit this impossibility, the truth of who we are receives an invitation, and accepts it spontaneously. It grows in us and flourishes. You can't force this experience. All you can do is remember you don't mind. Whenever life puts you in a position of identifying with your mental noise, you remind yourself that no, you don't mind. Dwelling in mind and believing its content pertains to you is not what you do. You know better. You don't mind.

Truth being circular, your devoted reminders to yourself will eventually qualify you to use the words the old way. Once you stabilize in the understanding that you don't dwell in your mind, you can tell people "I don't mind" and you won't be lying anymore. Whenever you're saying it to yourself as a reminder, and only then, it transforms naturally into wider acceptance.